Just a kick start. Think of it as getting over a bump – a bump in you finding you.‏

Posted on February 13, 2012 by WF

Fun times lately with so much I wish I would have captured. I now have a few posts that I’d like to get up. Here’s a bit from a recent email that includes several aspects of my recent journey. Just a reminder to myself.

Ha, This message reminds me of Twain “I would have sent a shorter message, but I didn’t have the time.” So, you get a bit of a brain dump.

I actually think that you trying to understand this one might get in the way of it.

I suggest that you just do stuff, and if it works, then feel free to figure and explore theories of why.

There is no “more effective, or better” mantra. I suspect that self affirmation is a similar process, but also different in certain aspects because it crosses over into chanting. You can find this information on your own, as to why chanting might work. I think, at the end of a search through why things might work, you’ll find a lot of interconnected and interrelated “stuff”, that doesn’t give you an answer. As in religion, do not let the sect obscure the path: meaning, no specific idea or believe is the answer, and worrying about which is best, takes away energy from actually doing something.

My guess is that another thing you might face is the feeling of “not good enough”. I don’t have time to go into this and what I think that means in terms of your processing, but I know you well enough that even if this isn’t the “biggest” rock, it’s “a” rock. Moving it should help. If you can’t move it, then walk around it for awhile. You can always go back behind it. This pattern likely reflects a need to get this very important part of being a “better” you, “right”, because you feel you are not “best” and “right”. The part we don’t have time to go into is a deep discussion of how this might work and how it might play out. Again, I think it’s best that you just roll with it, and do something that may not sit well given the way you process.

My intent in reading what you come up with is not to judge the substance. If you write, “I am a blue monkey”, then that is fine. My read would only be to pay attention to the quality and nature of the words in terms of positive focus, first person, and present moment. I am doing this only because I have a belief that people are very poor at being in the moment. Me included.

Another aside worth a much longer discussion: most thinking is not in the moment. In fact, very little of it is. I like thinking. I think I’m good at thinking. It doesn’t help me be authentic in the moment.

Another reason to avoid the temptation to look elsewhere and learn. I hope that what you are doing is foundational, and therefore can’t be from any source other than you. To the extent it isn’t “you” it is a false foundation that eventually could limit your growth, and keep you from obtaining that which best fits your true nature.

I also think that much of our similar perspective is because we operate through the mind, in ways that are so subtle that we don’t even realize it. This is of course, a personal belief and perspective that I hold, which may not be “real”. I mention it only because feeding this process through the mind might be counterproductive, if I am correct that we should be seeking something different than, yet synergistic with mind.

I don’t think you will improve your mantra by thinking about what it should be. You will know, and if you don’t then write a list of twenty words, and just pick three, or two, or five. Good enough. In fact, I would suggest that if you find yourself thinking about what it should be, then just start using anything. Use blue, monkey, brian, and just start the practice of being aware while you do. I bet what happens next is that you start to shift if closer to something that is meaningful to you. If this doesn’t work, then we can talk about you experience. Maybe mantras aren’t for you.

Always be willing to adjust and play with things.

I have even more bizarre personal beliefs. Specifically, I believe my self to be spiritual. I don’t mean that in the sense that I walk around and do things, and think things that are “spiritual”. I mean instead that I have a fundamental believe that an aspect of me (and everyone) is connected to the divine, and that we are all able to develop a direct connection with the divine. So, when I say I am spiritual, I mean that I believe I am truly of the spirit.

Think of it this way, there is no way to think about whether I am of the spirit or not. Thinking about it is meaningless. I either am, or I am not. Here’s the catch however: if I do not believe I am of the spirit, then I can not experience what it is for me to be of the spirit. I can not experience it because I can not be it, because I am not it. I can think about whether or not I am spirit, but that is very very different than being it. If I think about it, then I will create an intellectual construct of either being true or false, and I am still either right or wrong about it being true or false. The only way to know if you are of the spirit is to “be” of the spirit, and sense whether it is true for you.

Given that perspective, I personally believe that you will select things that are provided by the divine. I know this to be absolutely true of the training mantra I selected, which was love, acceptance, clarity (I still use this often, but it is not the focus of my spiritual journey anymore). It is hard to explain the shifts in thinking and awareness that occurred in reference to those terms over the year or two that I repeated them to myself every three steps while training. I also breathe every three strokes in the pool, so often I’d spend an hour swimming, . . . love, acceptance, clarity, breath, love, acceptance, clarity, breath. As just a note of what I can now look back on and realize was interconnected and meaningful – at a time past, when I’m training often, and spending hours “thinking” these ideas; I am also doing a yoga practice that had many aspects about breath, and how the breath functions spiritually. So, when I stopped “thinking”, love, acceptance, clarity, love, acceptance, clarity, . . . and just experienced, love, acceptance, clarity, breath, . . . it coalesced, and bang, insight. Essentially the insight was that my mantra was there to flow through me, and to provide something beyond my “thinking” about it. It was there to provide something else, and I started to let it provide experience in a different way.

If nothing else, time spent on a word will enrich your associations and the meaning you attach to that word. So pick words you’d like to get to know better.

I give you this only because if you are going to experience a mantra, then you can not model it on others. To model it is to take away from the very thing you might discover. Feel free to copy the mantra, but don’t expect to copy the outcome, or the experience. I would argue that when you “set out to discover” something with a mantra, then you are almost ensuring you never get where you would otherwise go. You don’t go there because you are really busy trying to get to some pre determined other place. If you just experience it, then you might discover something interesting, non rational, and non linear. And if you don’t discover anything, meh, then maybe that isn’t the point of what you are meant to discover.

In the end, I think you’ll appreciate that I have no idea where you are headed, or how you should get there. The only insight I can give you is: it’s your journey. You are 100% responsible for it.

I suggest you always use your entire being to sense whether you are getting closer to your true nature, or not. In the end, there is no one who will have your answer, except you. I also suggest that anyone you meet who claims to have the magic sauce, is a person who needs to feel they have the magic sauce. I trend toward guides and teachers who are able to reflect back on me, and allow me the ability to be responsible for, and even enjoy, the journey

I am hoping if you just do what resonates with you and is meaningful to you: that maybe you’ll find something that resonates with and is meaningful to, you.

Plus, I love the new secret code word: blue monkey. I think I’ll steal that and use it.

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On SEO, SMO, and new words and concepts

Posted on April 23, 2011 by WF

I think part of the confusion around social media and search comes from a lack of clarity inherent in new concepts and terms and technology. 

My definitions are not intended to be “correct”, but simply a way to discuss the issues presented above. I am making them up as I write. Search is a specific function designed to produce a specific result – the thing you are trying to find (and I believe search is still not enabled as effectively as it might be, and will surely evolve). Social media is a category that describes an abstract set of technologies and assets that enable people to interact (just one of many definitions, and I am certain that many have different and better definitions). 

Above, it seems like the author is asking “will social media eventually be a better way to search, or find things?”. I think astutely and correctly, the author then answers the question with “they are just different, and the method of optimizing to be found is different.” Agreed.

Clearly, social media will influence how people learn about a subject, and in so doing will influence where and how they search. For example, if I were to post to a friend, “If you are looking for a great cab, then look here www.greatcab.com“. In this sense, absolutely – social media affects how people find things. To optimize for this type of “relevance” is to think very differently – to “be” part of the discussion, to deliver concepts to the market place that are easy to absorb and pass on, to market with the goal of being talked about and referred. All of these are very different than – to be found by a spider and ranked highly on a search engine so that someone’s eyes see you and click you first . . . very different.

In regards to the function of “search”, I think social media has specific characteristics and creates specific types of data (the leveraging of which are not yet fully understood). One data set social media creates is, through recommendations and discussion, information regarding an organic web of relevance among concepts. This data is very different than the mathematical algorithms search engines use, and therefore provide a different kind of “relevance” among things. (Interestingly, I think most search engines are trying to model what is essentially organic relevance (I think this is Google’s current direction, although I think Google has lost it’s focus on it’s core competence and brand, but that’s a different discussion)). 

My personal prediction, . . . well, I’ll save that for the day Google or Facebook call me to ask for my opinion about how to win search provision.

As for API, yes, it’s critical as we move toward a word where interaction among applications and data sets becomes more distributed. If you have relevant “data” you want out in the world, develop an API. As for marketing content, by all means, have it packaged and available to quickly integrate with anyone who wants that information in a specific way, format, or through a specific delivery mechanism.

Is the API eventually where the search function (and the company that provides that best search function) finds it’s most efficient and profitable home? Likely, and I would argue that we are already there as Google API is in most everything. Nevertheless, there will also likely remain a strong need for a “page” where people can go and use the search function directly. There will also be a mobile search app (not available on iPhone, but all Google mobile apps now come pre-installed on android based systems). The form of the API will change, but the function will remain the same.

My Best,

WF

Posted in Online Culture, SEO/SEM/SMO/ETC, Technology | 2 Comments

Come over to the dark side, or how to lose your feelings and use the force . . .

Posted on April 9, 2011 by WF

[From a letter in response to the question, "what is your dark side?"

So, my dark side. Again, I try not to think of it this way anymore. I find calling it "dark" sets me up to dislike myself, and to avoid taking a good hard look at "it".

I think by this you mean behaviors and reactions I have that don't serve me or that hurt others. I have many.

I am not responsible or accountable at the level I'd like. I am often selfish and lack empathy when I feel threatened or hurt. I sometimes choose immediate gratification over long term gain. I occasionally justify actions that affect others by believing they are responsible for themselves (a complete disregard and projection of my responsibility). I sometimes bend the rules by invoking some sense of superiority that I know better or sense of entitlement. I often focus on taking and consumption rather than giving and creation. I often mentally judge and shut off learning because I react that I am smarter, mote aware, or whatever other belief that feeds my Insecurity and need to feel superior or special.

I call each of these "dark" not because I should know better (I already do), but because I know they take away energy and love form me and/or others. I struggle, and I need to adjust and evolve.

How do you like me now?

I so very much want to increase my responsibility for myself. This is "the variable" that I am trying to focus on and a deep source of all other things I am doing. It motivates my desire to evolve spirtualy so that I might learn to transform beyond myself and, if lucky, connect to a source of love that is constant and feeds me so that I might avoid hurting myself and others - a spiritual grounding. It is the source of my desire to re-emerge as an entrepreneur so that I might create value -and- an environment for myself and others that supports self actualization, creativity, and responsibility. It is the shift I'd like to make in reference to my next commitment to someone else, so that I might lead when necessary without ego or attachment to a result, and follow with acceptance and without selfish reaction when not able to lead, or when in need of direction or help.

I feel so far away from what I now understand about myself and what I want to be. I have lived in a "shadowy" opposition to my current awareness even though my external life seemed consistent with the above (well, not over the few recent years which I see as a breakdown that occurred because I was not my best self). I am very needy right now, and allow this to get me off focus on growth.

I really looked inward this time, and I am shaken, uncertain, and even embarrassed at times having uncovered these issues. it gets really hard now given a past that includes severe depression and near addictive avoidance behavior. It's so easy to let self criticism hinder progress.

At other times, I just want to be ok, accepted, loved, even needed and desired; and to feel the things that where shut down in me. We all have so many needs, and I want to fill mine or learn to operate above them so that I might actually be one who can give and create. I fail at this all the time, consuming and taking.

I do not think I'm beating myself up. I am so much father along, and I feel alive again. So many things are better, and I am blessed to have yet another chance (I know I'm not a cat because I think I'm on life 33, but I've lost count). I just truly don't know how to become more than I've known.

At least I am somewhat awakened, trying new things, seeking help, and open to learning.

More than you were looking for I'd guess. Luckily, I think the current list is fairly comprehensive, I've dug in pretty deep, and there probably aren't too many more bugs under the rock.

All the best,

WF

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Letter to one capable of but not currently loving

Posted on March 17, 2011 by WF

Well, not many challenges from my perspective.

I agree that we either have this ability to heal through love, or don’t – innately.

I am skeptical that this power can manifest itself physically in a direct sense, yet to this, I am far more open minded than before. It is starting to make more sense that essentially physical processes, like working out and building muscle, might be accelerated. There seems to be little reason why the physical realities can’t change quickly, within the otherwise normal structure of things. Also, I’m more open that the structure of things is more expansive then I imagined.

I think of the power of love to heal as something entirely different, and likely more important. I think that love (which I loosely define as the doing for others exclusively for their own best interests), allows people to accept themselves because it includes completely accepting the person being loved. In that aura of acceptance, the person loved might accept themselves, which is an avenue to deeper realization. I don’t see how anyone can heal if they don’t see the problem.

I learned this by knowing the problem, but being unable to provide a solution, and yes, I mean in my marriage. Of course, that I had no idea what my issues were, also contributed to much confusion and disappointment. I was not my best self, which in itself wasn’t a problem, but the moving away from my best self instead of moving toward it surely was.

I suppose I’m a little sidetracked on my marriage because I’ve been going through boxes at my old home, and emails, and other documents in preparation for my deposition (which my ex wife noticed for the 18th with a reprieve to the 25th). I’ve been pretty out of it, and battling depression. I’m up now after 12 hours of sleep, and back at going through documents. Last night I managed to escape mentally and emotionally, but the coming back to reality is also a bit draining. I think I’m trying to open certain emotional channels, and I would have never expected that people would help in this, but they have, in sometimes surprising and wonderful ways. I’m not sure how comfortable you are talking about such things, yet oddly, sometimes you seem to be the perfect sounding board. It’s an aspect of you that is unique, but I can’t really pick it out or define it.

Do you mind me asking other questions? I’ll assume you said “fire away”! Be careful, when I get depressed, I get pretty introspective, and I’m prone to project on people, lol.

How are you? I mean by this really, how are you? Please take this with the love I intend, and know that I’m only asking because I think I’ve seen flashes of a very wonderful part of you. I picked it up at the cabin. It was an ability to care deeply. I mention it because on the other hand, I sometimes sense a very frustrated and hurt you, who is closed and skeptical. Of course, we are all this way, but with you it seems more apparent (maybe just because I think about it more or know you better than some others). I’m only referencing it because I want you to be alive.

Maybe you can think about and comment on this cycle: It comes from an interplay between people – a back and forth of sorts. Let’s say there are two lovers, and he is present and alive and his best self. She senses this and opens up to it, only to realize that he isn’t always this way, or that some of this is the playing out of a fantasy presented absent of other less attractive qualities (like control or fear which, are also a apart of his psyche). She is then challenged because it’s everything she wanted to believe, but it isn’t real, and being not so, she then struggles as to why she wants it and why she is disappointed by the not being able to create it and have it in her world. She is frustrated and feels like she isn’t her best self. This interchange affects the interaction between them, and things get worse, not better. Trying to keep the better parts alive, they both act in ways that are less authentic (with the best of intent to preserve the dream), while underneath the control and fear escalate. Eventually something breaks – the fantasy (even though it’s a wonderful dream) is exposed, and the control and fear and anger take their place in prominence.

I know this cycle well.

For you, maybe tell me what your thoughts are on this rather than on QT. Just so you’ll know mine, I think this cycle is broken through acceptance that each person is unable to create their dreams, and acknowledgement that in the trying, one or both might fall or fail fairly consistently. The other option is to eliminate the dream – which is a conclusion I am still not able to accept. I accept that people are flawed, but I still desire to be in a relationship that includes the advancement of intimacy.

Hmm, in writing this, I like my story. Maybe this wanting is my problem. I’m seeking to improve, rather than to exist. Is this seeking critical and un loving? Is the seeking of love, the need for love, the opposite of love? I’ll have to reflect on this.

Anyway, the point is for you to reflect on the story, not me.

If you like these stories, then I suppose we can create many wonderful stories about real things. Stories upon which people can reflect and stories that touch people in very direct and helpful ways. We might collect these stories and bind them in fancy leather backs for all to read. Maybe we can even sell some classes.

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On documents and repentance.

Posted on March 15, 2011 by WF

Digging through pictures I came across the most beautiful picture of my ex wife. We were in Club Med, in Cancun, and we were in love. Sometime in the middle of a “hat trick” she got up and wrapped a sarong around her curves – slightly annoyed, she looked at me, arms up, showing her natural musculature. She seemed full, alive, as I remember her.

My pictures from the same area are a horrible shell of me. I’m heavy, unaware that I am rotting from the inside, unaware that this vision that I love doesn’t see the same in me. She sees me as sad, as holding her back, and not worthy of respect and love.

I find this out about three years later.
I am destroyed.
I am awakened.
I evolve in ways unexpected and wonderful, as a result of massive pain.

I find myself digging through documents in preparation for a deposition that I’ve tried to avoid for a year. I want communication and resolution. -She- “can’t”.

I hear this differently than the rejection and refusal of her leaving without discussion before or after cutting and running. I now hear it as a subtle rumble at the foundation of a belief system. It’s no longer lack of trust or fear, it’s bigger, for . . .

If it were to be true that I am now a more full expression of myself, of what she tried to love, then . . .

She might love, and in so loving be wrong. Life would be very strange indeed: all things before would be inaccurate – as if the world changed underneath the history told. I think if the story no longer fit, then we’d lose the sense of it all.

We’d go down with the ship.

It would take massive change and strength.

Oddly, I have that now.

The irony of divorce is that the making sense of it makes no sense. If it were to resolve, then there would be nothing to resolve. It’s non-linear. It’s otherly. It’s like love.

I’m not able to express the similarity of love and destruction, but I assure you they are the same. It’s a matter of intention and commitment. Love will destroy your past. Will you be together after the storm, or apart? -that- is the only real choice you have.

I regret she chose apart. I am certain that our destruction brought me deeper love, as would have our redemption.

Repentance is a comical.

Posted in Whatnot | 6 Comments

You inspired the coining of a word – SBlog‏

Posted on March 5, 2011 by WF

Good morning,

SBlog – In time, maybe. For now, sharing the blog defeats the purpose of the blog, so it’s just not possible.

You mentioned primes.

I can share this idea from the blog inspired by an artist I have met who is interesting. She shoots photos on film, LP. She has a site, I think.

Anyway, she has a visceral reaction to modern art and mostly is annoyed by digital artists. I dragged her to Bergamot Station. She came home with several new contacts, a lot to say, and a handful of little booklets and papers. She seemed to have an awfully interesting time for having been reluctant to go and preferring Getty “on the beach”.

Being me, around her, I had this vision to do a show consisting of IP addresses framed in simple white frames, matted with three layers. I’d like all the IPs to be prime, or each section of the IP to be prime except one, which would be the non prime series number – large primes or exactly 12 digits are rare, and hard to secure. IPs have four sections, so three being prime, or each section being a prime, is “good enough”.

Each IP would lead to a unique work that was coded such that the work would erase after one visit. Each “buyer” would have to exchange something and fill out a form, in addition to paying for the work.

The work would be serious, ideally including a few well known artists. There are more angles on the idea, but that gives you enough.

It’s a silly modern digital idea, yet

I am, through this, trying to remove all external pre and post influence between artist and viewer. It is impossible to critique the work before, and difficult to critique it after, unless the buyer wishes it so. I am hoping that this will serve to highlight the momment of viewing in a way that allows the viewer great choice and control – an gives the artist a direct line to viewer.

I might also like to hear how each viewer chose thier momment, and would provide a site for that exchange. Not sure of this part – hidden art emerging into permanent art randomly composed by self-selecting viewers. Possibly one layer too many.

If it worked, I might also expect an increase in value for the ”un viewed” pieces, which is another theme that seems comical, and is ripe for much philosophical rambling about art, experience, and culture. That I might divorce commercialism completely from the art it values, and have it exist only in reference to the increasing scarcity of something of unknown quality – well, if this were to actually happen, then I’d never be at a loss for a way to generate a quick smile.

So, that’s a part of the kind of stuff on the blog. The other parts, among even other parts, are direct unfiltered commentary on myself and others. Sharing that place doesn’t allow for the place to exist, if that makes sense.

. . . and yes, having the smallest sliver of “song and dance” man in me, I am aware of the effect of telling someone a blog exists that they can’t read. That part is fun as well, and I don’t mean for it to be isolating in any way. To the contrary, it is supposed to be interesting – at least that was my intent in its creation.

PS: I am now calling my Blog a SBlog, or secret blog – emerging to shared blog. I like this word, thank you. I do think that discussing my SBlog influences and affects it, so I don’t do it often. In fact, this is the longest mention of it I have ever made. I believe that referencing it, will eventually change my reference on it, and lead to my editing it and exposing it.

Thank you for being someone who listens to and considers these slightly wacky tendencies. I find this akin to my old metalica button: It’s a heavily narcissistic pursuit – designed both to entertain myself and explore myself.

Often, I’m unsure which is which . . .

All the best,

Whatnot Fourthly

Posted in Art, Multi Disciplinary, Whatnot | 1 Comment

Why people blog

Posted on January 20, 2011 by WF

I think for me it’s simple.  To capture ideas on the web. 

There is something wonderful going on in the world of technology: a dynamic that is changing our culture and our sense of self.

I have a friend who honestly believes that she has over 1000 friends, and can’t distinguish between these friends and the types of friends that I would label “real”.  For her, they are as real as any real friend, and . . . oddly, she has apparently little interest in friends that I would call real.  She sees them as a poor investment of time.  They are boring, and don’t contribute to her “circle”. 

Friends in her circle do all the things that a real friend might do.  They send condolences, they invite each other places, they travel together or travel to see each other; and, having seen some of these interactions, they get bored just sitting. 

It seems weird: they’d rather be interacting.  I wonder if they blog.  Most don’t.  Blogging my be a disappearing art, of sorts.  Fitting, that I’d start now. 

I’ve watched these people read posts and consider whether the message received was worth a tweet.  It’s a process of including yourself in a circle, yet also expanding that bit of digital stuff to a broader circle: an overlapping and ever increasing ripple of circles.  They exclaim, “I have to tweet this”, and then they do.

There is a -real- connectedness to the whole thing.

I just observe it, and think about it.  This won’t be the only subject upon which I write, but it’s a start.  It seems fitting to acknowledge the start of this new endeavor with a bit on the fact that there is indeed something happening, something new and interesting . . . so I blog.

Oh - and when historians look back in an effort to figure out who coined the phrase, “I don’t give a tweet” – it was me, 2011.01.20.

Posted in Online Culture | 13 Comments